Deep Breath

Take one. Seriously, take a deep breath. Let's all just inhale 4-6 counts and then slowly exhale. Ok, let's do it one more time. Breathe in. .......... Breathe out...... Breathe in........Breathe out.

We are on Day... 9? ....10? Day does it matter anymore? Last Saturday, March 14, we learned that the entire country of Spain was going to go into lockdown the following morning for a period of 14 days.  Happy Birthday to Pat! He will surely never forget that day celebrating his trip around the sun. We knew this was probably coming down the pike as we watched with alarm as the numbers of infections in Spain doubled every day during the previous week and announcements were made that the schools were going to close for at least two weeks on Thursday. 

But still. 

The announcement threw us for a psychic loop. Country-wide lockdown looks different than shelter-in-place. We are not able to move between regions. We are not able to go outside on the streets unless we are going to the doctor, the pharmacy or the grocery store. You must be alone when you are doing any of the above activities. Children are not allowed in the streets. We have heard and read stories of people getting upwards of 4000 Euro tickets for violating the orders. The airports and ports and train stations are closed. Most of the grocery stores here require shoppers to wash their hands at hand-washing stations installed outside and then don gloves before entering. There is a one-at-a-time policy at the two smaller ecotiendas we are trying to support. And even though these measures are so extreme, it makes me feel better. It's the only way to stop the spread of the virus. The state of alarm and the lockdown is extended now until April 12. 

The first couple days were such a strange haze. Big bouts of anxiety, tears mourning all of our plans, visitors and wonderful way of life here, bursts of hyena laughter, constant disbelief, feelings of intense love for my children/family/friends. I woke up on Sunday morning feeling like something was pressing into my chest. Like I swallowed a chip the wrong way and it was scraping my lungs. I drank about 17 gallons of turmeric and ginger tea. I quietly sketched on the terrace pretending to be all zen and smiled tightly whenever anyone walked by but in my head I was like "I HAVE IT". It wasn't going away but I had no other symptoms. Finally I confided in my sister-wife during quarantine, Colette. She was like, "Oh. Does it feel like an animal is laying on your chest? That's anxiety." I'm a mental health clinician and should have recognized that, but for me, anxiety usually manifests in a 36 hour straight jaw clench or my shoulders hunched up like a cartoon Dracula.  But coronavirus anxiety is a whole different beast. It's still here as I type. 

But I've learned how to cope: less news (like waaaaaaay less news), more bursts of hyena laughter, more feelings of intense love, yoga on the terrace, daily digital connection, nourishing and delicious meals, huge amounts of ginger in my tea and deep, deep cleansing breaths. I hope you are all coping with whatever makes you feel joy/calm/centered. Don't forget to breathe. It all

comes back to the breath.